She Like To

Happy New Year’s from THE BEAR!!!

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So I bought this new dress the other day but it took me over 45 minutes of debating in my mind, back and forth, should I or shouldn’t I? Do I really NEED more clothes? Not really. But I really like new clothes. I feel expressive with new clothes. 

Also, there was the “black factor.” I often don’t buy black clothes because I feel blah in them. Less than Blah. But this dress was Very Cute and also it had the white design which made it pop. Plus it looked pretty cute on me.

So yesterday I was wandering around Hollywood and Highland in my new dress and a pirate character* passed me and said, “Nice Dress.”

I felt very cheered. Although I was wondering if he was really thinking, “Nice boobs.”

Either way.

*on Hollywood Blvd there are all sorts of people dressed up as different characters, movie stars, super heroes etc. They take pictures with the tourists and earn tips. It can be a very carnival-esque atmosphere sometimes.

Woke up late, yet with not having gotten enough sleep because I went to bed around 5:30am. Ate Life cereal. The regular kind, not the cinammon. It was on sale yesterday at Ralph’s Grocery for $1.88. Which is very cheap for Life cereal. Plus I like that cereal but rarely buy it because of the price. Because at Trader Joe’s I can get a big box of Joe’s O’s for $1.99.

So I ate a bowl of Life cereal with Rice Milk. I didn’t drink any Green Tea which I normally do but I didn’t feel like it. But then I got to this meeting/class I was going to and felt sleepy and chilly and sure wished I was drinking Green Tea. The class started a half hour late because I guess there was a mix up or something on the time.

The class was GREAT. The woman was talking about plentitude in the universe and all the billions of cells in the body working together and regenerating and all the galaxies in the universe and just the massive amount of plentitude in the universe and how naive for me to believe I can’t get a job I love or win easy money. Seriously. Puny little thoughts passed down from generations of misguided souls.

After class I went shopping but didn’t really feel like shopping so I bought nothing and left. Then I went to Baja Fresh and ate nachos with pinto beans and asked them to add lettuce. SO GOOD. And so much better than going to the grocery store and buying all those ingredients and making my own nachos. I just wasn’t in the mood to do that. Plus I was starving right at that moment. So going to Baja Fresh was a really good choice that I felt good about.

And then I drove by Kinko’s and drove into the parking lot which had zero cars in it and yet the front door to Kinko’s was a ajar and the sign said they were open til 9pm. GREAT! I went to my apt and picked up some things I needed to photocopy and drove back to Kinko’s and copied them.

(Are you flattened with boredom yet? No, well, the story never picks up but keep reading if you like.)

So then after that I went to Blockbuster and rented Disc 2 of Season 5 of The Office. And I watched all the episodes. I got a random text from I don’t know who which I ignored and also a phone call which I also overlooked. Why? I don’t know. Because I feel challenged to be my authentic self around people and also I am very shy and so being around most people I feel squashed, stifled and misunderstood. Sometimes I feel drained or bored. Sometimes it’s fun but I just feel far too accomodating around people I don’t know that well. Which is mostly everybody.

So I watched all the episodes of The Office and was feeling very impressed and amused at the talent gathered together to make that TV Show. I would feel so excited to be on a good TV Show. Like Grey’s Anatomy or The Office. That’s really all I feel somewhat excited about as far as considering my future occupation.

I feel I have temporarily lost my direction in life. So I just know I will be led to something that feels good and fulfilling and I feel passionate about. I feel happy that all these wonderful things are revealing themselves to me.

Later I went online and looked at different things. I ate another bowl of cereal. And also a bowl of tofu, avocado, celery, cheddar cheese and peanuts mixed together.

And then I wrote this gripping and compelling blog entry.

I finished the last of my Rice Milk today so I don’t know how I will have cereal tomorrow morning. Oh, wow, what will happen? Tune in tomorrow to find out…

p.s. I forgot to mention that I found a pile of change on the table at Kinko’s and also a photcopy of a hundred dollar bill. I took this as a very good sign that I am on my path of easy breezy money. 

So maybe tomorrow I will meet a TV producer of a hit TV show who puts me on his show and also maybe I will win 3.2 million dollars. Or 180 million dollars or something. Or maybe I will meet the love of my life. Or maybe I will make a friend. Or have sex. Who knows. All I know is I feel good to hang in there in the ebbs of life. Because the juicy moments are soooooo worth it.  Just because I feel lost and bored sometimes is just part of it. I could blame myself and get down on myself for allowing myself to be bored but how would that be useful? I love my directionless boredom. I love experiencing both sides of the coin. Because then I appreciate when things show up that I really love.